ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
