Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
