She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
