You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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