i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
