Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I intend to get homeless drunk
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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