I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
