Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can't motorboat a personality
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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