I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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