Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
