be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
