I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
please don't ironically join a cult
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