I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
