Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
