why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
