I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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