Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
