I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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