Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
