I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
