The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
