why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
