If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize