I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
