We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize