Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
