I cannot find my penis.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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