Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
