If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
