Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
