I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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