So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize