Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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