ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
