He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
