If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
