I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
