My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my shit smells like andre
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
