talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
