his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
