after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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