Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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