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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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