ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
