Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
