Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
