Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You smell like stripper and shame
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
