Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
