I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
