After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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