I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
