i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
