Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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