Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
