thus making me awesome and them whores
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
