you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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