Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
