yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
