The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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