I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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