yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize