i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
