"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
