that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
