i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
