I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
