Soap is not a condiment
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
